This is a post I was tempted not to publish but I want to be honest so here it goes...
Some days I'm a bit green...I'm not talking Christmas green or upset stomach green. Unfortunately I'm talking about green with envy.
As a waiting adoptive mom, I find myself fighting envy from time to time. When someone announces a pregnancy. After getting to hold a newborn baby. These I'm used to dealing with...
Lately though its when another waiting adoptive family gets picked by an expectant mom.
As our wait gets longer, more often families who are finally getting their wonderful news about a new family member have actually waited less time than us. I know that this wait is not an orderly line. They are not budging in front of us. But it sort of feels that way.
The agency we are using has a Waiting Families page with online profiles of their waiting adoptive families listed by state. Well, when someone has a pending placement (picked by an expectant mom) or a placement (child is home with them), their name/profile is shaded grey. I admit, I stalk the list for our state from time to time.
I generally have a pretty good idea which families were added "the list" before or after ours. I struggle the most when I see a family go to "pending" right after I know a mom was in looking at profiles, that she looked at ours and picked them.
But its not us against them.
I remind myself that we are all waiting adoptive families on unique journeys that God has laid out for us.
God's love, goodness, blessing and answered prayers are not things that suffer scarcity. And while I don't understand "whys" behind so many things, I remind myself He in Infinite and I am finite.
In all reality, there is nothing I can DO that will shorten our wait. It will happen In His Time.
And as I continue to hold tight to the Joy of this journey, pausing in thankfulness, and praying for a right heart, I am better equipped to silence the voices of envy that rise up inside.
Please continue to pray for us. This wait wears me down and I need to work to remain connected to His Strength. As our next homestudy renewal approaches this spring, we are praying about increasing the age we are homestudy approved for and possibly adding foster-to-adopt. There's a lot more involved than I can share here so I'm just going to ask for your prayers as we keep moving forward, that we give careful thought to the paths before us so that we stay on the one God has marked for us. Thanks!